I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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