this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
