So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Drake has all the answers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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