The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
