did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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