I am puke
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I see more hoeing in ur future
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