2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
