I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
