At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just google imaged poop.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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