whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
