The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Rumble strips road head = magical
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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