I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
