ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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