Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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