You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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