i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
