walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
