Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
