Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
