Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
