Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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