I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
be right there i have to get my cape
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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