At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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