he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
