this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
