We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
