I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
