I understand Curling. That high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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