Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
