How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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