the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
