at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
