nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
