my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
