So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
