I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
