Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
