Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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