you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize