shes about as inviting as chlamydia
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
