I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
