I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
