I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
