I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and she was petting her beer can
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize