I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
