i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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