we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize