So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
