that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's shark week go big or go home
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
