just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize