my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
