Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
