After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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