I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
