Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
