i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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