garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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