you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
