While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize