I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
