Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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