I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize