No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
