I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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