were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
