Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
