Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
