i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
