Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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