Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
