her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize