I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
