um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
