I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
