I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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