He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
