Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
