Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
