There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
