i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
