my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
