So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
