Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
