doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm too high and old for this...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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