Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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