You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Pants are for mortals
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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