the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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