I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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