so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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