I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
