i don't like sucking hair
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
