A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
