Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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