Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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