Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
