Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
