i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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