Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize