Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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