You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
