haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
